Look at that face. Look into those eyes. Look at the way that chin hangs. You’re looking at George Jolicur from Sanford, Florida. And if you haven’t already guessed it, he has problems with food. As in, he can’t stop eating large portions of it from restaurants without sending it back when he’s almost finished – and then refusing to pay. As the Miami Herald notes:
In one episode, he ordered five milkshakes but then complained the milk was bad he shouldn’t pay. In the incident that finally tripped him up — his jerkyloo, if you will — he ordered $50 of beef jerky, ate all but a few strips, and sent it back before leaving.
FIVE milkshakes. Seriously? Who fucking orders five milkshakes ever? Even if you were in a milkshake drinking contest you wouldn’t drink 5 milkshakes. You’d drink a little over 2 and then claim to be too full or you’d throw up or your brain would hurt. But then again, you probably don’t weight 600 pounds and George Jolicur does. Which brings us to the next point. George Jolicur is too fat for jail. Everyone agrees on this. The city of Sanford, the judge, the prosecutor, everyone. So what does that mean? That means that we’ve finally got a great reason to encourage kids to get fat. All you ever hear about are the negative things associated with being fat. Well finally, here’s something positive:
He avoided jail because he is so fat the medical costs of imprisoning him would be too great.
He is now bedridden, breaths with the aid of a respirator, and could not even attend court to be sentenced. Prosecutors said it would cost thousands in medical fees just to bring him before a judge.
You read it here first, kids. If you stick to cookies and soda maybe one day you won’t be held accountable for your criminal behavior. Sounds like motivation to me!