I just spent two weeks in Miami. The first was spent working the Miami Improv. The second week was spent doing nothing. While I thoroughly enjoy working the club – I really did (Cubans and blacks are great, especially in the heat) I must admit that I liked the second week there even more. Doing nothing is really one of my specialties. And if you’re going to do nothing but lay on a beach it helps if you can look at something. Or, in the case of South Beach, something is nothing. As in, nearly no clothing.

You can learn a lot about people that are barely dressed. You also learn a lot about yourself by how you respond to people that are barely dressed. Spend a week looking at this:

"Where are girls, bro?"

And you’re going to change. The way it works is basically on the first day you react to it much the way you probably just did by looking at this photo. Something along the lines of, “Hey man, what the fuck?” or “You gotta see this guy.” The second and third days you still have that reaction, but it’s starting to fade. By the 5th day not only are you not reacting, you’re also not even NOTICING it. Why? Because it’s EVERYWHERE. A stretch of beach as long as the eye can see is littered with these animals. You really do adapt to your environment. Which is a little alarming and a little comforting.

Now I know what you’re waiting for. You’re saying, “What about the ho’s, Tom?” Yes, the ho’s were everywhere too. They too caught my attention the first few days. After a few more days I didn’t notice them either. And when I say hot broads were on the beach, I mean HOT fucking broads. Like this sweet peach:

Talk to the hand. Or my back flaps.

I saw titties everywhere too. Not like the ones the lady in the photo above has either. I saw nice, round, full, pretty titties just chilling. And you know what? Yes, not a big deal. Why do we make nude bodies such a big deal? I would see the nice titties on the beach and note to myself, “those are nice titties” and that was it. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t get wood or start violently masturbating. It seems to me that some people imagine that we should always cover up or that people will lose their minds, but it occurred to me when I was seeing so many people wearing so little that it really doesn’t matter once you see it. NOBODY cares because we’re all people and we all roughly have the same stuff, give or take an inch or 11. What am I saying? We should have more nude beaches, more nudity on television, more sex too. We live in a sexually repressed country that demonizes the human flesh. I don’t get it. More acceptance of naked people translates to less angry people. More titties, less shootings. Let it hang out. Let it all hang out. Like this guy:

Fuck it