So I just got back from a few weeks of driving and doing shows. 1 week in Lake Tahoe and 1 week in Las Vegas. I learned a few things. One, that Lake Tahoe is stunning. If you haven’t been there, go. Take a camera, some wine, and someone who doesn’t mind touching you while you’re naked. It’s impressive. The mountains, the trees, the lake, it’s all really beautiful. You should go. Secondly, I’ve confirmed for the 40th time that Las Vegas is none of those things. It’s full of assholes and you don’t need to see it. 

Thirdly, I learned that America is not only beautiful, it is positively enormous. You don’t realize how massive this place is until you’re in a car and 8 hours later you say, “Am I still in the same state? Fuckin’ really?” I never, ever want to hear another person say that there are too many people and that there’s no land. There’s land. There’s LOTS of land. There’s just no land where you’re standing right now.  But if you get in your car and look around a little, there’s enough land for you and everyone you know to have a working ranch. I’ve seen it. It’s there.

Lots of fuckin land


Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, I learned that you should take a fast car, one that you either own or can borrow or just rent one, and take that shit on CA-168 between Lake Tahoe and, you guessed it, Las Vegas, and enjoy the only open, legal race track that I know of. Drive your fast car on that ridiculous stretch of highway and just try to live.

You cannot begin to imagine how ludicrous it is that this road even exists. The stretch that stands out the most is the beginning. The roughly 40 miles that go up, down, left, right, you go nearly straight up, followed by a steep drop, bank hard right, straightaway. Oh, and you don’t even see another vehicle. You go as fast as your right foot lets you. You feel like you’re in Ronin. It’s exhilarating. You also feel a good bit of fear when the turns, cliffs, and hills sneak up on you and you’re afraid that maybe you’re going a little too fast and you might die. What really sent me into a panic was when I was going about 80 mph around a bend and passed this sign:

Did you see that? One lane road. On a freeway. Between two mountains. Cool. You should do it. Fast.

I’ll be in Miami tomorrow. South Beach Comedy Festival, Lincoln Theater: HERE!>


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