South Beach Comedy Festival & Minneapolis

First, lets get to a health update – I know you must be concerned. I AM feeling MUCH better, thank you. Thank you to all the people who have been reaching out, asking me how I’m doing. And by “all the people” I mean, you, mom. My second Z pack is working much better than the first. I’m feeling almost 100%. I’m masturbating again, so that’s good. 

Did the South Beach Comedy Festival last week. Honestly, I didn’t even know it existed, but it does and it’s good. It’s been around about 5 years or so. A lot of people came out and South Beach did it well. Cool venues, cool comics (with the exception of Jay Larson ), and one super cool party (that Larson was at, but still). Great job Comedy Central and South Beach. You put on a great, fun festival. Here are a few shots of me performing and of the after party – red carpet, celebs, you know my steeze:  (All photos courtesy of Mitchell Zachs)

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Sick on a Sunday in Los Angeles

So far this year I’ve been sick twice. That’s ahead of schedule for me. I usually get sick 2 or 3 times a year with sinus infections. They really suck, but I’ve surrendered to the idea that I’m vulnerable to them. Sinus infections or sinusitis, as it’s known in the medical world, is generally accompanied by a host of symptoms. They often include, but are not limited to, nasal congestion, sinus pressure in your ears, a little irritation in your throat, coughing, headache, and lots and lots of mucus. The key to self-diagnosing an infection versus, say, being merely congested, is the color of your abundant mucus.  When you see green, you can say, “bye-bye” to Thera-Flu and Tylenol and “hello” to a real doctor and antibiotics.

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America, the Beautiful

So I just got back from a few weeks of driving and doing shows. 1 week in Lake Tahoe and 1 week in Las Vegas. I learned a few things. One, that Lake Tahoe is stunning. If you haven’t been there, go. Take a camera, some wine, and someone who doesn’t mind touching you while you’re naked. It’s impressive. The mountains, the trees, the lake, it’s all really beautiful. You should go. Secondly, I’ve confirmed for the 40th time that Las Vegas is none of those things. It’s full of assholes and you don’t need to see it. 
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Diarrhea Cha-cha-cha!

Wow. I just got over one of the most profound bouts of diarrhea that I’ve ever had. And that’s really saying something. I’ve had some memorable liquid leaks in my day. There was Lima, Peru ’94 – I had ceviche and local drinking water and my asshole said, “don’t know what you think you’re doing, but we’re evacuating everyone.” Then there was spring of ’97, south Florida. I had lobster at Outback Steakhouse. Never eat seafood at a place that advertises meat. That was my most aggressive ‘rhea ever. Non-stop shit show for a week, nearly hospitalized, lost 22 pounds. You don’t get many of those in life. But the week before last I thought I was on my way again. I had so much brown water coming out of me I thought there was a pipe connecting Mexico to my ass.

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